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Christian Friendship Presented by Sister Mary Gertrude, O.P. March 13, 2011
Sister began her talk by quoting from the 15th chapter of St. John’s gospel and highlighted the following words from Jesus: “I am the true vine – without me you can do nothing”, “Love one another as I have loved you”, and “Abide in me”. The central theme here is love whereas “abide” means “being with Christ”. As such, love is tied to friendship in that we are to be examples to others by the love that we have for each other. However, we need to recognize and ensure that our relationships or friendships with others are not based on a relationship of using them for our own gain or other needs but rather seeing the relationship as a supernatural one.
In John’s Gospel, Jesus points out that His mission in coming to earth is to bring us back to God the Father. It is ultimately our understanding of the Father’s love for us that allows us to have this same love for others. If that relationship is good, it’s possible to develop true Christian relationships. We should acknowledge also that true friendships are a gift from God and we should ask him every day to bring good Christian friends into our lives. This is even more necessary for singles as they are praying for good future spouse.
Sister Mary Gertrude also mentioned St. Thomas Aquinas’ thoughts on friendship. In his view, there are four cornerstones of good friendships: · sincere – friendships should seek the other for the other’s sake · rightly ordered – the friendship should lead one’s soul to salvation as opposed to temptation and sin · holiness – the friendship must holy · fruitful – the friendship should lead to a good for both parties in the relationship
The subject of gossip also came up during the talk, which can truly harm relationships. Sister Mary Gertrude mentioned that one can apply a test if something should be told to another person: 1) Is it true? Is what I am about to tell another person the whole truth? 2) Is it kind? Is what I am about to tell another person a kind thing or in other words, if saying something about another person to yet another person, would I say it while they were around? 3) Is it necessary? Is what I am about to tell another person necessary? Does it have importance to the other? If any of those tests are answered “No”, the subject matter should not be repeated.
Quoting further resources for friendship, Sister Mary Gertrude also referred to Sister Mary Francis’ work and naming three elements of friendship: Affection, Esteem and Respect, which means “to look again”. Ultimately, respect should lead to esteem, which then leads to affection |